It isn’t new news that social media can foster envy and dissatisfaction, or that it can prompt us to overspend. For example, Edelman Financial Engines recently surveyed more than 2,000 people about various financial topics and found:
74% said their friends portray themselves on social media as wealthier than they really are;
42% said they feel jealous when they see their friend’s vacation photos online;
33% said using Instagram and other social media platforms has prompted them to spend more than they could afford;
27% said they feel less satisfied with how much money they have because of social media.
A recent Wall Street Journal article even suggested that social media may be behind the widespread sense of economic malaise many people are feeling. Numerous surveys indicate that many remain pessimistic about the state of the economy even though a number of objective economic indicators look favorable (continued high inflation being a significant, and important, exception).
The ever-moving goalposts
Psychologists have long noted that people tend to evaluate how they’re doing not on an absolute basis but by comparison. For example, we might be perfectly content with our used Honda — until a neighbor shows up with a shiny new Acura.
A recent study looked at how people rated their own financial well-being after seeing where they ranked within their peer group in terms of income and debt. People were happier when they thought they were doing better than their peers. Scott Rick, associate professor of marketing at the University of Michigan said, “There’s no objective answer to ‘Am I doing well? Or not?’”
Or is there? Here are some ways to opt out of the comparison game.
Practice gratitude. Social media has only amplified what has long existed in our consumer culture — the intentional fostering of dissatisfaction. Giving thanks for all that we do have, rather than focusing on what we don’t have, is a very effective antidote.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
Celebrate other people’s successes. The Bible says, “No one should seek their own good, but the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:24). Another way to combat feelings of jealousy is to respond to other people’s wins by letting them know you’re happy for them.
Practice selective listening. We don’t have to completely eliminate our use of social media (or maybe we do!), but would probably help if we were at least a bit more intentional about who we follow. Pay attention to how you feel when you read certain people’s posts. Do they bring you down or do they have a positive impact on you? It’s okay to stop following those who bring you down.
Be intentional about what you post. With social media, we’re not just consumers of other people’s posts, we’re producers of our own content. Here we would to well to be especially vigilant in guarding against pride, which C.S. Lewis described as “the great sin” and “essentially competitive.”
“Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man,” he wrote in Mere Christianity.
Before hitting “post,” ask, “Am I bragging, or am I sharing something my closest friends would truly want to know about?”
Practice “social indifference.” That phrase comes from Dr. Sarah Stanley Fallaw, founder and president of a social research organization called DataPoints, co-author of The Next Millionaire Next Door, and daughter of the late Thomas Stanley (who co-authored the original Millionaire Next Door in the 1990s). Picking up where her father’s work left off, she says the people who are most successful at building wealth are those who are best at tuning out what other people do.
“Do I care what other people are driving, or about trends? The research we’re doing demonstrates that those who ignore trends have higher net worth, regardless of their age, income, and percentage of wealth that they inherited. Building wealth means ignoring what others are doing, which may be more challenging today than [ever].”
Follow the signal, not the noise. During a college visit, a recent alum told a gathering of prospective students something similar, encouraging them to “run their own race.” He said there will always be students involved in more clubs or getting better grades, but it’ll be best for their college career and their own well-being if they pay little attention to all of that.
That’s good advice for all of us. Putting the blinders on — choosing our audience and focusing on what God would have us pursue — is the better path for a life of God-glorifying impact and joy. As social media influencers battle for attention, remember: Jesus told the world all it needs to know about that 2,000 years ago when He said, “Follow me.”
What have you found helpful in avoiding the comparison game?
