It was an honor to be on Focus on the Family’s daily broadcast recently, talking about money and marriage. The catalyst for the conversation was the launch of a new book I had the pleasure of writing in partnership with Focus, Starting Strong: Discovering the Good That Money Can Do in Your Marriage. The book is for engaged and newly married couples, but our conversation touched on many topics that are relevant to marriage no matter how long a couple has been together.
Toward the end of our conversation, host Jim Daly asked a question I didn’t expect. He mentioned that he has seen studies indicating that many young couples are hesitant to have kids because of the cost. I was surprised at how much emotion that topic brought up.
My wife and I have three children and I couldn’t imagine life without them. I guess it broke my heart to think that couples would decide against kids for financial reasons.
Letting God lead
In the interview, I mentioned a remarkable couple I interviewed for the book. I first met Jessica and Alex 15 years ago when they were fresh out of college, newly married, and working in full-time ministry. At the time, they said they didn’t think they could afford to tithe because of their low salaries, but after using a budget they discovered they could.
When I connected with them recently, I learned they still work in full-time ministry and now have three children, the youngest of which is severely disabled. Having young kids can be stressful enough, but I assumed that having a daughter with so many extra needs would make life extra stressful. The funny thing is, they didn’t seem stressed at all. In fact, they seemed completely at ease, at peace, and joyful.
In part, they said that knowing each other’s temperaments has been helpful in their marriage. It has helped them “bend” toward each other. Using a budget still helps as well. And then they said something that really got my attention. They said they made a decision in their marriage that “money doesn’t rule.”
They know what’s happening with their finances. They have a plan. But if they’re in a restaurant and find out about a need their server has, they will leave an extra large tip. It may not be the sensible thing to do, but if it’s what they sense the Holy Spirit leading them to do, they will follow that leading. And in living that way, they have experienced countless blessings.
Like the time they needed a new table and found one at the curb that someone was throwing away. And the time when a non-profit organization found out about their daughter, held a golf outing to raise money for them, and sent a big check that helped them buy a specially-equipped van that accommodates their daughter’s wheelchair.
It reminds me of something Ron Blue wrote in the first book I read about biblical money management, Master Your Money. As much as Blue is a planner, he said, “Don’t plan God out of your finances.”
Starting strong
You can watch or listen to my whole conversation with Jim Daly and co-host John Fuller below.
If you know a couple that is engaged or newly married, consider buying them a copy of Starting Strong: Discovering the Good That Money Can Do in Your Marriage. It’s filled with other encouraging stories and lots of practical, biblical guidance for coming together on all things financial.
