Marriage is a beautiful experience. And, it can be fraught with many challenges — not the least of which is figuring out how to manage money together. Which is why I’m excited about the release of Starting Strong: Discovering the Good That Money Can Do in Your Marriage, a book for engaged and newly married Christian couples I had the privilege of writing in partnership with Focus on the Family.
The baggage we bring
No one enters marriage as a blank slate. Each person brings their money-related habits, hopes, dreams, assumptions, past experiences, temperaments, examples set by their parents, and more. All of that can make it challenging to manage money as husband and wife.
Here are some ways that Starting Strong addresses those challenges.
Setting a God-honoring course.
The book opens with an encouragement for couples to find common ground through their shared faith. They are guided through five prayers focused on putting God at the center of their marriage and committing to unity. Before getting wrapped up in the many money decisions they’ll face, it’s important for couples to agree on the big picture — that all financial decisions will be made through the filters of what will be honoring to God and good for their marriage.Setting priorities.
There are only so many things that can be done with money. It can be spent, used for debt payments, saved, invested, and given away. That’s the order our consumer culture encourages. If the culture could speak, it would say, “Great, you’re making $80,000 per year. That means you can live here, drive that, and vacation there." Spending comes first, and when it does, debt usually comes second. Then, if there’s anything left over after all that spending and all those debt payments, some might be saved, invested, and given away. But there isn’t usually much left over.There’s a far better way to prioritize the use of money. A way that leads to financial freedom and joy. A way that keeps stress levels down and peace of mind levels up.
If God were to speak to us audibly, I believe He would say: “I’m entrusting you with $80,000 per year. With a portion, you can join me in the adventure of meeting needs, changing lives, and even shaping eternities. You can set aside another portion to build a reserve that will bring a wonderful sense of peace to your marriage. Also, you can invest for the future goals I put on your hearts.
“And then, with all the money that remains, you can live in this neighborhood, drive this type of car, and take vacations. Remember, I have richly provided you with everything for your enjoyment (1 Timothy 6:17). I want money to be a blessing in your life. Oh, and remember, I paid a high price for you, so please, please do not enslave yourselves to creditors (1 Corinthians 7:23).”
With this framework, giving, saving, and investing come first, which means there’s always enough for those priorities. Then, with all that remains, you spend on housing, transportation, clothing, vacations, and all the rest. Along the way, there are no debt payments other than for a reasonable mortgage.
That framework is so simple, so effective, so biblical — and so rare. If a couple sets their financial priorities that way, it will make a huge difference in their finances and their marriage.
Planning to succeed.
A cash flow plan (a.k.a., budget!) suffers from an image problem. People often think of it as something you “go on,” like a diet. In reality, it’s a tool you use to proactively manage money. It’s especially helpful in marriage because it fosters teamwork and transparency. It enables couples to put their priorities in motion and keeps each person knowledgeable about what’s happening with their finances.Shared accounts also foster teamwork and trust. Not all accounts can be turned into joint accounts; an IRA, after all, is an Individual Retirement Account. But checking and savings accounts can be joint accounts, and even secular research shows that joint accounts are good for a marriage.
Playing to each other’s strengths.
Temperament is a huge and under-appreciated factor in marriage. Many of the disagreements couples have are not so much about the issue they seem to be arguing over, but a clash of temperaments.Temperament is how a person is wired — how they have been uniquely designed by God. It affects whether a person makes decisions slowly or quickly, how comfortable they are with risk, whether they are savers or spenders, and so much more. Each temperament comes with inherent money-management strengths and weaknesses. By understanding each other’s temperament, couples can learn to maximize each person’s strengths while navigating around their weaknesses.
All of this and much more is covered in Starting Strong. If you are engaged or newly married, or if you know someone who is, pick up a copy at Amazon or Christianbook.com.
Help and hope
My prayer is that God will use Starting Strong to help countless couples manage money in ways that glorify Him, foster unity in their marriage, and free them to make the difference in this world that God brought them together to make.
