A Voice of Experience Gives Tips on
the Ins and Outs of Adoption
In a locker room recently, I overheard a dad reassure his son, "There's no wrong foot for a sock." Its wisdom resonated with me. Certainly one could apply that to any number of situations—including a subject near to my heart, the adoption of a child. There is no wrong way to adopt a child. Having adopted our oldest child, I trust our firsthand experience will give you some valuable points to consider, particularly from a financial perspective.
• Agency or do it yourself? This can be the biggest financial decision. Though agencies charge what seems a princely sum, remember they provide critical benefits. They coach a young, often fearful, immature birth mother through the whole pregnancy. They ensure she gets good prenatal care. They provide post birth counseling for the inevitable emotional scars. They coach you through this emotional period as well. They iron out details you never thought of, like who pays the hospital bill. They manage the expectations of both parties which minimizes the potential for future heartache. Perhaps most important, they keep the baby during the birth mother's rescission period (during which she can change her mind and cause adopting parents untold pain).
Agencies have important differences you'll need to evaluate. For example, one agency we interviewed put their applicants on a list. First on the list, first served. Another agency uses the pool method where everyone had an equal chance regardless of how long they had been in the pool. Some require non-refundable up front fees just to be in the pool. Others do not.
On the total opposite end is the do-it-yourselfer. I have known several couples who have adopted quite successfully without an agency. They put out feelers, lined up their own attorney, and thankfully everything went right. Obviously you could use an agency and also continue to look on your own. For example, check with local OB/GYNs and tell them you are looking. You would be surprised how many times they are asked what to do with the unexpected baby.
Bottom line: as with many things in life you get what you pay for. Doing it yourself is not necessarily cheaper in the long run.
• Legal advice. You will need an attorney to walk you through the legal process of adopting and to legally represent you before the court. Prudence dictates interviewing at least three. Ask for specific adoption experience, references and total fees charged. Our agency had a list of providers. If the adoption is complicated by issues like an unknown father or adopting overseas, the fee and expertise will be need to be higher.
• Home study. Your state will require a home study (investigation) of you and your family performed by an authorized provider. This ensures you meet the state's adoption criteria and have a clean background, etc. Shop around for the lowest price. Because a home study is merely a requirement to check off on your list, a more expensive one typically adds no value. Sometimes an agency provides this as part of their total package.
• Overseas or local? Adopting a child from overseas is generally, though not always, more expensive because of travel and extra legal costs. I know couples who have adopted overseas with good results.
• Tax breaks. Having another dependent in the house provides an additional exemption which lowers your tax bill. Further, qualified adoption costs may result in your receiving a tax credit (which is even better than a deduction) in the year following the adoption. To see if you quality, download Form 8839, "Qualified Adoption Expenses," [PDF] from the IRS website. Also, check with your employer—they may cover adoption expenses as an employee benefit.
• Trust your feelings. Because there is wisdom in many counselors, talk to those who have adopted and get their advice. Do not be afraid to go with your gut. We actually received some questionable advice from one of the most respected nationwide adoption agencies that did not seem to get a good read on what we were feeling at the time. We ended up using an unknown small, operating-on-a-shoestring agency where the caseworker showed up to the first meeting in blue jeans. We felt we were with the right person. You'll know it too.
• Conclusion. In closing, remember just as there is no wrong foot for a sock, there is not a wrong way to proceed in adopting a child. Financially and emotionally, this is one of the biggest decisions a couple will ever make. Don't be paralyzed by the size of the task—pray about it, and step out in faith. 
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